![]() ![]() If the pressure of your boss’s demands has put you into fight-flight-freeze mode, first calm yourself so you can gather your thoughts and take measured, appropriate action. Instead of just caving in or deciding it’s time to update your resume, try these approaches to gain better balance for yourself and strengthen your relationship with a demanding boss. You may have relevant data or experience that counters the validity of your boss’s directions, yet there can still be a lot of pressure to comply with every demand. It can be dangerous to defy a superior, and even arguing your point can feel unsafe. When you work for one of these folks, you can feel like you’re being set up to fail. They don’t take into account the facts on the ground, or they habitually refer to their past experiences at other companies rather than to the people and events in the current organization, or perhaps they report to someone who’s even more aggressive or overly optimistic than they are. But some bosses are unrealistic most of the time. Whether your manager is a front-line supervisor or the CEO, every leader occasionally has unrealistic expectations. You might say something like, “Take a look at these scenarios, and let me know which aspects match your sense of things, and then I can build them out.” This approach can feel time-consuming, but it keeps you from straying far off-base and fosters a sense of partnership that will help you develop trust for the future. Ask questions and lay out iterative plans that you feel are realistic. Check to be sure you understand and are delivering on what your boss actually wants. You can acknowledge the requests without labeling them as unrealistic. Showing that you’re on the same page may give you the leeway to explain some of the practical realities. Then, keep in mind that your boss and you presumably have shared goals. You might try grounding techniques (also known as anchoring), which bring the overly reactive mind back to the body. First, calm yourself so you can gather your thoughts and take measured, appropriate action, rather than reacting impulsively. Instead of just caving in or deciding it’s time to update your resume, there are a few approaches you can try to preserve your sanity and forge a stronger relationship with your boss. It can be frustrating to work with a boss who has unrealistic expectations.
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